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Don’t believe the stereotype

Stereotypically, you would think that every woman has a maternal side and would love to coo over a newborn, men would go about their business and wouldn’t even notice a baby in public unless it was making a noise.

When I first had my daughter I was scared to go out in public on my own for the fear she would cry, need feeding, and I would need to try and calm her and feed her whilst everyone was looking and judging.

I made the decision to breastfeed my daughter, it was hard work, it took ages to get the latch right and that was at home without the added pressure of the public!

My first outing was to Sainsbury’s to do a food shop, baby was a week old, she woke up just as we finished the shopping so we decided to go to the cafe to have some lunch and for me to feed the little one. My husband went to order our food and I sat in a corner trying to get my little girl to take a feed, she was crying because she was getting impatient. Everything should have been fine – babies cry after all, but I was already very aware of the attention I may be drawing to us, it was a quiet cafe with very few people in and I worried they would all be looking at me, that’s when I see two women get up look at me and say; “Let’s go it’s far too noisy in here”

That has stayed with me ever since. It was my first outing and my baby was just one week old, you would think stereotypically two women would have been more understanding.

Since then I have noticed more and more just how attentive and helpful men are and how ignorant some women can be. Don’t get me wrong I have met some lovely women who have offered to help, but 9 times out of 10, it will be a man to stop and offer help, to coo over the pram.

Myself and my husband were out in a shopping centre and approached some stairs – there was no lift nearby and I had shopping bags in my hands, two male teenagers ran over and offered to help with the pram on the stairs. Again, this shouldn’t be something I should even have to say, but stereotypically two young men wouldn’t have even acknowledged us, let alone offer to help!

I was in a queue holding my daughter in one hand, and a tray with our lunch in the other, the man in front of me started asking about her, saying how good she was being, I got to the counter to pay and then I had to carry my daughter and the tray (now with our lunches on!) to my table, the woman at the counter watched me struggle whilst the man I had been chatting to in the queue came over to help.

Let’s break those stereotypes

I for one have seen first hand how we shouldn’t automatically assume what someone is like because of their gender (or anything else for that matter! Race/sexuality etc etc). Everyone is different and I’ve learnt people will surprise you on a daily basis by doing little things, a smile, offering to help, just friendly conversation. The little things really make a big difference and the world we live in today, we need to see it more, so offer to help, give a little smile, make some friendly chit chat in the line at the supermarket because it makes the world of difference 💜

K xxx

Don’t fix your relationship with a baby!

A baby is not a plaster, if you have one the little one won’t be magic and he or she won’t heal a broken relationship.

I’ve heard it a few times recently, the most recent one being a friend of mine;

“He said if we have a baby we will be okay, it will bring us closer”

No. No no no no no!

A baby is hard work – sleepless nights, the crying, the feeding, the nappy changes. They are so worth it but they test even the strongest relationships.

My husband and I have been together 10years, we wanted nothing more than to have a baby, but if you were to say that being a parent wasn’t stressful, you would be lying. There are times when the baby just won’t stop crying, it becomes frustrating and you end up bickering (normally when you have finally got the baby off to sleep!)

If you have a broken relationship, bringing a baby into the equation is not fair on the baby or yourselves! A baby should be brought into a loving relationship and deserves to have happy parents in her/his life, if you have a broken relationship the energy around the baby will be toxic.

I love my baby girl and gosh, I wouldn’t change her for the world! I just wish people without children knew just how hard it can be.

It is the hardest job I have ever had, but it is the most rewarding.

K xxx

Peer pressure – My baby, my rules!

Tonight I have so far spent 3 and a half hours trying to get my baby to sleep in a dark room on my own.

On a daily basis I am receiving “really helpful” advice, it’s mainly from my parents and mother in law, the argument they give when I politely decline their advice?

“We did an alright job with you didn’t we?”

That maybe so, but times have changed, my baby is a happy healthy baby so in my books I’m doing something right.

So let me fill you in here, my baby is now 11months old, she is breast fed – because of this she still sleeps in her cot in our room so when she wakes it’s easier for me to feed and comfort her, and if that doesn’t work we co-sleep. She loves her food, her weight is perfect, she is almost walking, she can say a couple of words (mainly mama, which I love!) and she is such a cheeky happy girl, you’d think I almost know what I’m doing!

There are apparently some flaws in my parenting though, here are the things I hear daily:

  • She should be in her own room now
  • She should be sleeping through
  • You need a better routine it’s obviously not working
  • She isn’t being fed enough if she’s waking in the night
  • She needs to drink more water (she drinks loads just not always with people)
  • She’s too clingy, that’s because you’re always cuddling her – you need to leave her alone a bit more
  • She’s just crying for attention

The thing is she is my baby, MY baby, no one gives you a rule book when they’re born, I have to figure this out for myself, and if you ask me I’m doing a pretty kickass job if she’s happy and healthy as they are the two biggest things I could ever wish for!

I love my baby, and so what if I’m cuddling her too much. If she cries, I go to her, I cuddle her and comfort her and then she knows that when she is upset I will always be there for her. You can never love your baby “too much”.

So basically, if you are in the same situation as me, remember, it’s for you to figure out, us mummy’s are all in this together, we are doing a good job, and we will get there in the end!

Love your baby, cuddle them and cherish every moment because they’re only little once 💜

K xxx

Pregnancy: It’s not all plain sailing

Unspoken confessions of pregnancy and how not every pregnancy is a joyous time.

“Pregnancy is the most amazing feeling”

Except that isn’t always the case. So many people tell you when you get pregnant it is the most amazing time, your skin glows, your hair flourishes, you radiate beauty.

Don’t get me wrong I wanted nothing more to be pregnant, and when it happened I was so happy – I was so blessed! 

At about 8 weeks pregnant the morning sickness set in, every morning without fail I was bent over the toilet, I didn’t complain because I knew how lucky I was to be pregnant. The morning sickness stayed with me until about 22 weeks and it was about this time that the heartburn started, I was drinking Gaviscon and milk like there was no tomorrow!

Another ‘side-effect’ of pregnancy was restless legs.

Oh.my.god!

It was like torture, I would spend hours trying to get to sleep at night, there was no cure, I went to the doctors and it was just ‘one of those things’ and it would pass after the baby was born.

Throughout the pregnancy I tried to distance myself from the baby, I counted my stars everyday knowing how lucky I was, anything can change with pregnancy, I wasn’t naive I followed Kicks Count, I read the stories, I experienced bleeds – three in total. I didn’t dare to dream about what my baby would be like, I was petrified of losing my baby, and I kept thinking if I didn’t ‘attach’ myself to him/her then I naively thought it wouldn’t hurt as much if anything happened.

The worst bleed I experienced was at 22 weeks, at 7am I was on my way to A&E, I cried all of the way, I kept thinking if I was losing my baby there was nothing they could do because I hadn’t reached 24 weeks. I got poked and prodded and examined, my blood pressure and temperature was constantly taken, but no-one could tell me if my baby was OK. In the final examination the doctor told me I wouldn’t be able to have a scan that day. She then left the room and came back and very proudly announced:
“You’re lucky, the sonographer said she will stay to do your scan”
Lucky? I certainly didn’t feel very ‘lucky’ – I had spent 7 hours crying and not knowing if my baby was ok. As it turned out my baby was fine, they didn’t know what had caused the bleed and I went home.

At about 30 weeks the morning sickness returned and stayed with me until my baby was born.

I count my blessings every day that I had a healthy baby, I know some people aren’t so fortunate. I felt guilty every day for not being so happy everyday of pregnancy, I hated it!

I know every pregnancy is different and one day I would love another baby but right now I am definitely not ready to go through it all again.

K xxx