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How the times have changed..

When I was 13 I wanted a pair of jeans, I didn’t get pocket money. My friends had jobs in hair salons on a Saturday – so my mum suggested I go out and find a job, so I did just that. At age 13 I worked in a local farm packing vegetables for local shops.

Since then I have always had a Saturday job, and when I finished college I went out and actively applied and a month after doing my A-Levels I had secured a job as a Trainee Dental Nurse.

Moving swiftly into the present 10 years later, I have got married, had a baby and now I help run my husbands plumbing business. We are very busy and we are now looking at taking on an apprentice, we need someone aged 16-18 as the government will help fund the course if they are in the right age bracket.

Going forward I put a job advert on our website, a jobsite, with the college and on our Facebook page.

Now at 16 kids will *normally* have access to the internet – either by phone or laptop – meaning that they will more than likely have social media and an email address. In this day and age if you are looking for a job the places to look are on the internet and you need an email address to apply!

Don’t get me wrong, we had some excellent CVs come through, with great covering letters, however, we had a couple that were .. shall we say different.

I have had TWO applications from mothers who were applying for jobs on behalf of their sons!

The first one was just asking questions at first, I answered the questions for her then she asked how to apply, to which I replied

“If you get your son to send over his CV and we will review it with the other applications”

So she sent me an email and covering letter writing about her son and why he wants to apply for the role, he is 21 years old, a fully grown adult, and obviously for us we are thinking if he can’t be bothered to email us and apply for a job himself will he apply himself to the role and can he be bothered to do the college course?

When I sent an email saying he had been unsuccessful with his application she emailed back asking “Why?”

The second mother was similar, except the email was more blunt, her son is in college, told me where he lived, he needs an NVQ and can we help? There were no manners, just a very blunt, abrupt email.

It just baffles me that these are fully grown men and they can’t be bothered to apply for their own jobs, do their mothers really think they will be successful in life if they have to do the hard work for their sons?

I’m all up for parents helping their children to get a job, but not for actually doing job applications for them. You have to draw a line somewhere and despite how hard it is to “let them fly the nest” they have to do things for themselves or they will never learn!

 

 

Weird and wonderful habits

Just a short one here, Do you do things that when you think about them you think are really quite weird?

I was at the zoo today and I needed the toilet, when I was on my way in I realised I always skip the first cubicle. It’s a public toilet, they’re all the same, so why do I just miss it like it’s not even there?

Out food shopping, I’m looking at my choices, I decide which one I want… then I go about three behind and take that one. It’s packaged just the same as the first one so why not just take the first on?

Getting a glass out of the cupboard, I blow into it, it’s a closed cupboard, nothing is getting into it, so why blow into the glass?

I think a lot of people are guilty of this one, volume on the TV (or car radio etc) has to be on an even number, what happens if it’s on an odd number? Who knows but I’m not going to find out!

I think there are a fair few others that I probably do and don’t even realise I’m doing it, I have no reason to do it so I’d love to know where my brain has picked up these quirky little habits!

Do you have any weird quirky habits? Let me know! 👇🏻

Don’t believe the stereotype

Stereotypically, you would think that every woman has a maternal side and would love to coo over a newborn, men would go about their business and wouldn’t even notice a baby in public unless it was making a noise.

When I first had my daughter I was scared to go out in public on my own for the fear she would cry, need feeding, and I would need to try and calm her and feed her whilst everyone was looking and judging.

I made the decision to breastfeed my daughter, it was hard work, it took ages to get the latch right and that was at home without the added pressure of the public!

My first outing was to Sainsbury’s to do a food shop, baby was a week old, she woke up just as we finished the shopping so we decided to go to the cafe to have some lunch and for me to feed the little one. My husband went to order our food and I sat in a corner trying to get my little girl to take a feed, she was crying because she was getting impatient. Everything should have been fine – babies cry after all, but I was already very aware of the attention I may be drawing to us, it was a quiet cafe with very few people in and I worried they would all be looking at me, that’s when I see two women get up look at me and say; “Let’s go it’s far too noisy in here”

That has stayed with me ever since. It was my first outing and my baby was just one week old, you would think stereotypically two women would have been more understanding.

Since then I have noticed more and more just how attentive and helpful men are and how ignorant some women can be. Don’t get me wrong I have met some lovely women who have offered to help, but 9 times out of 10, it will be a man to stop and offer help, to coo over the pram.

Myself and my husband were out in a shopping centre and approached some stairs – there was no lift nearby and I had shopping bags in my hands, two male teenagers ran over and offered to help with the pram on the stairs. Again, this shouldn’t be something I should even have to say, but stereotypically two young men wouldn’t have even acknowledged us, let alone offer to help!

I was in a queue holding my daughter in one hand, and a tray with our lunch in the other, the man in front of me started asking about her, saying how good she was being, I got to the counter to pay and then I had to carry my daughter and the tray (now with our lunches on!) to my table, the woman at the counter watched me struggle whilst the man I had been chatting to in the queue came over to help.

Let’s break those stereotypes

I for one have seen first hand how we shouldn’t automatically assume what someone is like because of their gender (or anything else for that matter! Race/sexuality etc etc). Everyone is different and I’ve learnt people will surprise you on a daily basis by doing little things, a smile, offering to help, just friendly conversation. The little things really make a big difference and the world we live in today, we need to see it more, so offer to help, give a little smile, make some friendly chit chat in the line at the supermarket because it makes the world of difference 💜

K xxx

Don’t fix your relationship with a baby!

A baby is not a plaster, if you have one the little one won’t be magic and he or she won’t heal a broken relationship.

I’ve heard it a few times recently, the most recent one being a friend of mine;

“He said if we have a baby we will be okay, it will bring us closer”

No. No no no no no!

A baby is hard work – sleepless nights, the crying, the feeding, the nappy changes. They are so worth it but they test even the strongest relationships.

My husband and I have been together 10years, we wanted nothing more than to have a baby, but if you were to say that being a parent wasn’t stressful, you would be lying. There are times when the baby just won’t stop crying, it becomes frustrating and you end up bickering (normally when you have finally got the baby off to sleep!)

If you have a broken relationship, bringing a baby into the equation is not fair on the baby or yourselves! A baby should be brought into a loving relationship and deserves to have happy parents in her/his life, if you have a broken relationship the energy around the baby will be toxic.

I love my baby girl and gosh, I wouldn’t change her for the world! I just wish people without children knew just how hard it can be.

It is the hardest job I have ever had, but it is the most rewarding.

K xxx

Peer pressure – My baby, my rules!

Tonight I have so far spent 3 and a half hours trying to get my baby to sleep in a dark room on my own.

On a daily basis I am receiving “really helpful” advice, it’s mainly from my parents and mother in law, the argument they give when I politely decline their advice?

“We did an alright job with you didn’t we?”

That maybe so, but times have changed, my baby is a happy healthy baby so in my books I’m doing something right.

So let me fill you in here, my baby is now 11months old, she is breast fed – because of this she still sleeps in her cot in our room so when she wakes it’s easier for me to feed and comfort her, and if that doesn’t work we co-sleep. She loves her food, her weight is perfect, she is almost walking, she can say a couple of words (mainly mama, which I love!) and she is such a cheeky happy girl, you’d think I almost know what I’m doing!

There are apparently some flaws in my parenting though, here are the things I hear daily:

  • She should be in her own room now
  • She should be sleeping through
  • You need a better routine it’s obviously not working
  • She isn’t being fed enough if she’s waking in the night
  • She needs to drink more water (she drinks loads just not always with people)
  • She’s too clingy, that’s because you’re always cuddling her – you need to leave her alone a bit more
  • She’s just crying for attention

The thing is she is my baby, MY baby, no one gives you a rule book when they’re born, I have to figure this out for myself, and if you ask me I’m doing a pretty kickass job if she’s happy and healthy as they are the two biggest things I could ever wish for!

I love my baby, and so what if I’m cuddling her too much. If she cries, I go to her, I cuddle her and comfort her and then she knows that when she is upset I will always be there for her. You can never love your baby “too much”.

So basically, if you are in the same situation as me, remember, it’s for you to figure out, us mummy’s are all in this together, we are doing a good job, and we will get there in the end!

Love your baby, cuddle them and cherish every moment because they’re only little once 💜

K xxx

Pregnancy: It’s not all plain sailing

Unspoken confessions of pregnancy and how not every pregnancy is a joyous time.

“Pregnancy is the most amazing feeling”

Except that isn’t always the case. So many people tell you when you get pregnant it is the most amazing time, your skin glows, your hair flourishes, you radiate beauty.

Don’t get me wrong I wanted nothing more to be pregnant, and when it happened I was so happy – I was so blessed! 

At about 8 weeks pregnant the morning sickness set in, every morning without fail I was bent over the toilet, I didn’t complain because I knew how lucky I was to be pregnant. The morning sickness stayed with me until about 22 weeks and it was about this time that the heartburn started, I was drinking Gaviscon and milk like there was no tomorrow!

Another ‘side-effect’ of pregnancy was restless legs.

Oh.my.god!

It was like torture, I would spend hours trying to get to sleep at night, there was no cure, I went to the doctors and it was just ‘one of those things’ and it would pass after the baby was born.

Throughout the pregnancy I tried to distance myself from the baby, I counted my stars everyday knowing how lucky I was, anything can change with pregnancy, I wasn’t naive I followed Kicks Count, I read the stories, I experienced bleeds – three in total. I didn’t dare to dream about what my baby would be like, I was petrified of losing my baby, and I kept thinking if I didn’t ‘attach’ myself to him/her then I naively thought it wouldn’t hurt as much if anything happened.

The worst bleed I experienced was at 22 weeks, at 7am I was on my way to A&E, I cried all of the way, I kept thinking if I was losing my baby there was nothing they could do because I hadn’t reached 24 weeks. I got poked and prodded and examined, my blood pressure and temperature was constantly taken, but no-one could tell me if my baby was OK. In the final examination the doctor told me I wouldn’t be able to have a scan that day. She then left the room and came back and very proudly announced:
“You’re lucky, the sonographer said she will stay to do your scan”
Lucky? I certainly didn’t feel very ‘lucky’ – I had spent 7 hours crying and not knowing if my baby was ok. As it turned out my baby was fine, they didn’t know what had caused the bleed and I went home.

At about 30 weeks the morning sickness returned and stayed with me until my baby was born.

I count my blessings every day that I had a healthy baby, I know some people aren’t so fortunate. I felt guilty every day for not being so happy everyday of pregnancy, I hated it!

I know every pregnancy is different and one day I would love another baby but right now I am definitely not ready to go through it all again.

K xxx